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Playing The Field

May 16, 2011

Thanks to a scheduling quirk and Mother Nature, the Giants will play three consecutive two-game series on this road trip. It’s like one of those speed-dating events where you have five minutes to determine if the other person is a psycho/stalker/rapist. So who are we meeting?

The Clingy, Morose Chick
She’s had her heart broken — badly, repeatedly — and now all she does is talk endlessly about her exes, especially that foul-ball snatching nerd. (Wait, did she just say something about a goat?)

The Pious Bitch
She’s sorta hot, but she’s also a religious nut who’ll freeze your balls. And she almost certainly got chlamydia from Todd Helton.

The Frenemy … With Benefits
Oh God. We didn’t think we were gonna run into her — the girl who followed us from New York to California just so we could keep arguing and having grudge sex, the girl whose only real goal in life is to make us miserable, the girl whose parents are going through a messy breakup, the girl we hate and who hates us … but, yeah, we’re totally gonna sleep with her. Again.

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