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Giants Win Is Apparently A Very Evergreen Headline

June 1, 2014
If you talk into it, it totally makes your voice sound weird.

If you talk into it, it totally makes your voice sound weird.

The Giants have the best record in baseball. The Giants just took three of four from the Cardinals in St. Louis. The Giants have a seven game lead on the Dodgers. Take a big sip of that. Swirl it around in your mouth. Spit it into the spit bucket. Buy a bottle.

You deserve it.


We are 57 games into the 2014 season, which means we are officially allowed to begin drawing conclusions. The main conclusion: the Giants have been really good. Way, way better than expected. Have they also been lucky, what with all those two-out RBI hits and such? Probably. Is there a chance — a good chance — we’ll see some regression and thus less sweet, sweet winning? Possibly.

But we don’t have to give these victories back. The Giants could cool off considerably and still coast to a 90-win season. Or they could crash and burn in a fiery ball and leave me weeping in September, re-reading this post like a love letter from a girl who cheated on me with a rodeo clown. Or they could carry on doing what they’ve been doing and win like 110 games. Time holds the answers, and time is a mysterious bitch.

For now, though, I’m celebratin.’ Even in my best-case-scenario moments of unbridled spring optimism, I never imagined this. And it’s not like everything has broken right for the Giants. A lot, including Brandon Belt’s hand and Marco Scutaro’s back and Matt Cain’s sandwich-making abilities, has broken wrong. Buster Posey is mired in a very slumpy slump (though three hits today!). Tim Lincecum still makes you wet the bed every fifth day. Still, the wins keep flowing.

Could turn to vinegar by mid-August. For now, it’s fine wine.

Buy a bottle.

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